I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
