today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
