i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
