So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
