I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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