Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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