My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
