Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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