dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
