drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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