hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
