You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
