She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
