We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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