PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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