once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
