I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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