all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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