if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
third nipple confirmed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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