this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
