youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
