Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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