I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's blow job season.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
