the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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