So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
