I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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