i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
