the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
