I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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