Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
