You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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