can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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