the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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