Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
