I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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