eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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