hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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