The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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