Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We're too hungover to prance.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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