Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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