"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
