Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
