dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
