having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
