We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
