Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
