i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
