we have officially lost it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
