According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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