I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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