Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
