I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
