you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
