just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
