you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
