Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
