Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
